Pineapple enzyme, its great properties but deadly effects on dried lips

I’d like to spread a word, spread some warnings to you all, to refrain from those yellow, juicy fruity segments, during the vital times…of dried lippedness(as I myself have experienced, I must admit,  more stupidly than once ).

It doesn’t take a genius to avoid the acidic and ‘biting sensation’ of pineapples, when one have got dried lips, mouth cuts, etc. The ‘biting sensation’ is caused by the bromelain enzymes which has meat tenderizing properties(mmm… marinated mouths). Nevertheless, I could never refrain from eating those juicy plumps of vitamin C and digestive enzymes! Even with super dried lips.

So If you’re desperate enough to eat pineapples with lip cuts or dried lips, I recommend you to get out a pair of knife and fork, at your dinner table, chop the segments into small bits and toss them into your mouth in a circus act of avoiding the area around it, or you will face the deadly consequences which I will soon outline within this post(you have been warned!)

So, let’s start from the beginning.

I’d obtained my dried lips from the biting Southerly winds which blew from Antarctica(it’s right now around mid-winter over here in NZ), and through the neglected use of lip balms, I have earned myself a small crack/cut on my lip. This was about two days ago by the way.

AND WARNING the following description maybe too graphic for some readers!

So, even with the knowledge that pineapples have meat tenderizing enzymes, and having experienced lips bleed from eating them possibly a month earlier, I still made a deal with the devil.

After happily devouring my after dinner pineapple segments, I began to taste blood. Upon further consultation with the mirror, I found that I’d developed blood seepage everywhere on my lips. My one lip cut had turned into more than five! All thanks to the protein break downing properties of the bromelain enzymes! I looked like a slightly less gory version of those creepy horror movie ‘sewed lips’ characters.

It was a great look. After the pineapples antics I had to walk around with damp-ish, bloody lips. Another scary moment which was the one about a month before, (Anyone who prepares and chops their own pineapples up from the whole fruit, and are also at the same time very stupidly frugal would understand this, but aren’t people who chop up their own pineapples already frugal? Anyways), after chopping up and cutting off the skins of the pineapple, I got stupidly frugal about the pineapple flesh remaining on the skin, and started(in a disturbing manner, thank god no one was there to witness it) gnashing my teeth on them, sucking off the little remaining flesh. That day, a few months back, I also happened to have dried lips, so soon enough, half-way through my foraging, I began to discover mysterious red patches appearing on the pineapple skin after I’d sucked the flesh off them. Ghostly pineapples! Glancing around frighteningly.

They say the biting effects of bromelain enzymes on your tongue/mouth, etc. usually wear off after a few hours, but this time they lingered on my lips over a day or two. Those bastards! Once they found a way in, they were there to stay! This could be because the lips, unlike your tongue and mouth, lack the enzymes like ones in saliva to counteract and war with the bromelain enzymes, and in effect obliterate them. My lips felt slightly scalded for a day or two(It wasn’t extremely painful, just mostly annoying and unpleasant).

So, this would be my wise, (or possibly already well aware of by the majority of the world’s population, most readers are now shaking their heads with disbelief at my stupidity) and well experienced advice about eating pineapples with dried lips. More straightforwardly; don’t make a deal with the yellow devil when you have mouth wounds or dried lips.

NEVERTHELESS, this shouldn’t avert anyone from eating pineapples(apart from diabetics or those with special diets, moderation is the key!) and ingesting their awesome bromelain enzymes which are great digestive catalysts(but horrible lip balm ingredient) which means they can help you digest the food in your stomach if you have stomach issues like bloating. They can also help aid inflammatory(great joint food), and amongst other things provide a good source of manganese. So don’t let their sweetness and tartness scare you off, in moderation, they can be great for bowel movements thanks to their fiber richness.

More on pineapples’ nutritional benifits here:

For mild constipators and bowel-aid seekers’ information, other great digestive fruits,  with their own distinct digesting enzymes include; kiwifruits which have a similar meat tenderizing property. Their extract is also used in ‘keep you regular’ supplements. I used to take ‘Phloe'(kiwi fruit extract, read as “Flow” very cleverly named(?)) during my darker hours of digestive discomfort, and they worked alright. Another great digestive fruit is papaya. The papain enzyme is pretty hardcore. Even in their un-concentrated form in the fruits(as in as oppose to capsulated or condensed extracts), they make you go the toilet like a horse on a march. The thing with papayas is, if you don’t live in a tropical country that in-country produces them, they can be a bit pricey. I’d recommend you to go for paw paws(funny name, eh?) which also contain the papaya’s papain enzymes.


Papayas above, paw paws below. Paws paws are normally rounder and smaller, and probably less delicious. I’ve never actually tried paw paws, just being totally pessimistic and bias.

If you can’t find paws paws wherever you are and you need to very specifically release your wastes with papain, then too bad. Which means go for prunes. Prunes are always a great back-up plan to fall on.

I wouldn’t encourage people to buy imported fruits because they’re most likely injected with ripening agents(which are organic gases and most of the time harmless), battered through across the ocean transport, and no longer as fresh as they should be. I wouldn’t rely on imported fruits for nutrients much, but purely for their delicious, sweet, low-calorie-ness. I support local produce all the way(both cheaper most of the time, more nutrients rich and fresh, and it keeps the local economy up).

As a bonus for the post, some food recaps for the last three days:


In case anyone would like to know what Fry’s sausages are like in real-form (I’d mentioned them in this post )


Two Fry’s sausages on my mother’s dinner plate. I’d ‘dry’ stir-fried three Fry’s sausages(‘dry’ as in using zero oil, healthy oils are okay to eat, I just have a stupid fear of them) with mushrooms, and cherry tomatoes. The moisture and water from the vegetables prevented the sausages from sticking too much to the pan.


My own plate. As you can see, Fry’s sausages are pretty decent, genuine looking. (Using my chopsticks for sophisticated dining, and mostly to slow down my chowing, as mentioned in this post )



Salmon head soup leftover for breakfast, recipe here: with extra white cabbages for added veggies. Paired up with my must-have morning food; bananas. Vegemite; call me weird but they’re delicious and vitamin B rich. Perfect for non red meat eaters. I eat vegemite with my bananas; call me weirder.

Vegemite; concentrated yeast extract spread, popular in Australia and New Zealand. A great, low calorie, nutrients dense spread, butter or pate alternative.



A single wholemeal bread spread with vegemite and guacamole(I normally don’t eat guacamole because of the fat contents and un-freshness. I mean what one earth did the food companies put in guacamoles to make them last a year when my avocado slices brown in 5 minutes? but I had to devour it because it’d sit in the fridge for a while and I hate wastage, and the whole we take our supplies for granted deal. Sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice for the greater good i.e. I may not work for the UN but at least I’m not a wasteful bastard. P.S. I hadn’t actually selected the guacamole for purchase). Next to the bread, in the container is a stack of soft tofu, protein source with sesame seeds for added calcium, and the lightly boiled mung beans (don’t want to lose the nutrients to the process of boiling) for my veggies. The sauce on top is soybean paste. Super salty, so I only chucked on a little. I’d feel quite sorry for someone who would mistake it for caramel sauce or something similar and down a tbsp of the brown substance. The fermented soybean paste will suck your lips, your face, your entire head into your mouth with its saltiness(Of course I’m exaggerating).

(I use the Thai brand because I’m bias)

Oh, and exciting news! I did an amazing thing with the tofu and the bread; I sandwiched the tofu in my bread! I’d never thought of a tofu sandwich(shake your heads with disbelief all you like, I refuse to retain my bubbling excitement), and it turned out tasting uberly amaz-ong! The taste reminded me of poached egg with no yolk, in a slice of bread. The tofu kind of had its own flavouring which made up for the lack of yolk’s fatty flavour. Another comparison to the tofu sandwich would be very soft and light cream cheese in a bread slice.

You must all try! (Hopefully my description hadn’t actually skewed you readers towards dairy products) It’s so easy to make! Just pat your soft, silken tofu dry. Chuck it in between two slices or one(if you’re carb-phobic like I am) of bread and slather on your favourite sauce.

By all means try with other types of tofu i.e. firm as well. I haven’t yet, but I’m sure they’d taste amazing all the same(similar to veggie patties?). Why waste time making or buying bean patties? Some frozen brand of bean patties out there may even be more processed or sodium loaded than your regular tofu.

I encourage you to buy only organic tofu though, for environmental reasons. More on soybeans and the environment here: I myself am trying to reduce my tofu intake. But an organic tofu every once in a while shouldn’t hurt anybody.



The leftover salmon fish head soup! Day 3 on the stove top have resulted in graduation to a very concentrated broth of omega-3 goodness and protein. I added about half a cup of kidney beans for more protein(not many salmon flesh left so will not be enough for the meal) and mung beans(vitamin C rich, lightly boiled after the kidney beans have been for about 5 mins to retain the vitamin C). The flavour of the soup by Day 3 is simply delicious(That’s the thing with non-veggie soup, you have to devour and savour the tastes over a couple of days. Let them develop like good wine). The end product is a murky, tangy, soup with undertones of the tomatoes'(cherry tomatoes I’ve added the day before) acidic and sweet tastes. The consistency is quite thick, as if I’d added cornflour to it, but none! Instead it was the result of the fatty omega-3 and thick kidney beans juices blended to create a nutritious thickener! I wouldn’t recommend this mixture for cornflour substitutein soups though. It would be a bit hard to recreate and require quite an usual amount of effort.

A piece of exciting news would be that my black(I mean, dark circles) eyes are dissipating! Full hours sleep really does the magic! Who needs foundation and concealer! But this means I should probably be going to bed now if I want to retain a spotless visage.

P.S. Promise vegan bakesale and sausage sizzle will be on next post! Got the pictures and recipes ready!

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